My story may not seem epic in your eyes, but I love it – it has brought me to where I am today.
I am not someone who has battled through life’s challenges, survived against all odds or have had to overcome any extreme hardship at any age – not that I was aware of at least.
Indeed the survivors and ‘thrivors’ of these realities are amazing and their stories, powerful… Yet for me, I could never truly relate to them. Often times, these stories left me feeling ashamed and guilty to want more from my life, for my life. It motivated and shaped me to play small.
Who was I to dream big and want more? Why would I dare ask for more in my life when I have always been fed and sheltered, have felt love and been cared for, and more or less had choices available to me at every stage of my life? What did I possibly desire and deserve while there have been so many others who have suffered and slaved only to powerfully transform their lives, living a beautiful metamorphosis of the strength and survival of the human spirit? How could I ever inspire anyone?
I’d always find that those stories left me feeling a mix of 2-parts inspiration and 5-parts self-deprecation, undeserving of any success or worthiness for more as my life was always ‘good enough’. Whatever the ‘more’ was that I wanted: more abundance, more self-expression, more wealth - it was meant for (and certainly needed to go to) those that had ‘less’ – that was the balance that I learned and lived. I was conditioned to play small but it didn’t feel right… not for a moment… not ever.
So for all of my younger life, I kept myself blended into the ‘good enough’. How I showed up in my family life was ‘good enough’. My surroundings were ‘good enough’. My interactions with friends and others were ‘good enough’. And though my grades were above average, rather than trying for more, I left those at ‘good enough’ too. When I excelled, I didn’t allow myself the glory that came with accomplishment; and if I ever failed, it was okay because at least I “took a shot”. In adulthood, the ‘good enough’ mentality shaped my attitude for health, career and relationships. All that was once really great, slowly became only good enough.
I believed that there was only so much to go around. Being grateful for what was readily available was acceptable. And so I felt happiness and comfort. But it could not be sustained. There had to be more. I was repeatedly told and shown that I was lucky to have whatever it was that I got.
I will never say that I have lived an easy or a hard life. It has been, and continues to be, a self-described, charmed one. And when I say charmed, I mean rich in experience and lessons taught and learned. I have learned to see the possibility in any hardship that I’ve experienced: eviction, squatting, bullying, borderline poverty, heartbreak, family illness, separation, job termination; this list starts back to my early childhood. In each and every one of these trying situations, I have always sought out the learning and the positive. It hasn’t been about making lemonade out of lemons, but about being as interested in what happens when things don’t go as planned, as when they do, and choosing to see the possible directions moving forward.
Yet after all of these experiences, and the amazing skill I had in staying positive, something continued to eat away at me – my gut, my mind, my heart. I could not shake the desire for more… more of myself.
I quickly learned that being stuck in the ‘good enough’ can certainly be a gut-wrenching experience. When you want more from life, yet feel that you don’t deserve or need it because you aren’t lacking, it can stifle you and crush your spirit. Not only does life not feel good enough anymore because you’ve settled for so long, you’ve also forgotten what it’s like to truly want something and to feel really good about it. I mean REALLY GOOD.
Now, with all of my life experience, growing awareness and professional coach training, I have moved from the place of ‘good enough’ to peace, freedom, extreme joy and excitement in many areas of my life and continue to do so - choosing to follow my potential, my abundance. This is a never-ending process and luckily, I never want it to end.
So this is how I come to you now. I am not afraid, ashamed, nor do I feel guilty about wanting more in my life. More adventure, more abundance, more joy, more laughter. I don’t yet know everything that I want to experience, though whatever opportunities show up will always be considered. What I do want to experience is being “all in” and fully present in whatever experience I chose to have. I will go after what it is that I want. I now truly live in every moment, all of the time.
My Life Purpose: To live a life of being fully self-expressed, and to help and inspire others to do the same no matter where they came from.
I am there to help you get what you want, and to where you want to go. You have Infinite Potential.